dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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