I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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