From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
