Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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