Hey man sorry I got all grabby
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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