his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
