The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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