Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
