Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
