if you like me you must not know who I am
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
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