curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
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