3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
