Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
