He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
