Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
