so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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