I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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