Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
