I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
