So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
