dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Randomize
