Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
