How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
