I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
