i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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