yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
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