I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I looked at my own cervix.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
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I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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