She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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