Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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