4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
