There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
