he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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