Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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