I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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