I've blown a few things in my day
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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