They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
