I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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