the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
