You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
