Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
This is classic penis vs brain.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Randomize
