If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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