Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
