Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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