I feel great
I just peed on a car
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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