does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize