I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
