I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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