Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
