hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
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