she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
