I am in a vortex of obligation.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
