my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
