I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
