lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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