Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
