Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
