Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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