Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
