you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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