He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
