this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
