I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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