I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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