I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
