So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
