like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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