I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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