There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Maybe he injected his testicle?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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