so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
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