I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
