Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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