Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
