Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
