I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
