have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
